The other day; I was at my gym; doing my regular swimming routine in the pool. This routine consists of many different exercises in the water; using weights, the ladder steps, and my own body. It also involves jogging, walking, and some light swimming. I was in the middle of one of my swimming laps, when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye; I noticed an older man (probably in his 60s) who was in a wheelchair. He pulled his chair over to the edge of the pool, somehow plopped himself out of the chair and into the water; and very quickly began to swim circles around me. The man who was IN A WHEELCHAIR who has to pull his own dead leg-weight while he swims, was lapping me. And it wasnt even close. He was kicking my very fat ass. This got me to thinking ....
You would think that something like that would be an inspirational moment for me; that it would help to motivate me; right? A normal person would see that moment as a turning point and say "Wow if that guy can find the motivation, than I have no excuse!" But I am not normal. I started thinking about all the many, many excuses I come up with in my head to NOT go to the gym. I realized it is quite the impressive list of excuses. These are NOT embellished, and I HAVE used every single one of these reasons, at least in my brain, as a reason to NOT go to the gym. I dont always share them out loud because they are embarassing reasons. In no particular order; here are some of the many reasons I tell myself I cant possibly go to the gym today:
1. It's too hot outside, I dont feel like getting in the car in the heat,etc.
2. It's too cold outside, I dont feel like getting in the car in the cold, etc.
3. It's raining. Im not going out in the rain. I might die.
4. It's snowing. Again, I could die.
5. It's too nice outside. Who wants to be inside of a gym when its this nice out?
6. Theres not enough gas in the car to get there. Guess I cant go.
7. My bathing suit is still wet from last time I went.
8. There arent any clean towels. Looks like Im staying home.
9. It's a weekend day. It's going to be SO PACKED! Screw it.
10. I cant remember my locker combination.
11. I JUST went to the gym five days ago! Who am I, Jillian Michaels?
12. Its already 5pm. By the time I eat dinner, change into gym clothes, get the gym bag all packed, yadda yadda yadda ...itll be August. They close at 10pm, I have NO TIME!!!
13. I cant find my gym pants.
14. My gym pants have cat hair on them.
15. Where are my sneakers? Oh Ill never locate them in this mansion of an apartment. Forget it. Not going.
16. (to my husband) Well you need the car in 4 hours right? Ill never make it back in time.
17. I think the pool is closed today. (I have actually said this one out loud and it was a total lie. Once in awhile its true, but usually its a lie.)
18. Where the hell are those gym pants?
19. Oh, well, so and so called and I got to talking, and now I lost track of time and cant go. Oops.
20. Im already comfortable and IN for the night.
Yeah. As you can see, a simple change in the wind will cause my motivatation for exercise to disappear. There have been a thousand things that SHOULD HAVE motivated me to work out and get on track. But they dont. Something happens inside my brain and it instead becomes more important that I order french fries and chicken cutlet sandwich before the takeout place closes, or that I make sure there is soda in the house because I cant just drink water all night long. Its an addiction. I honestly THINK about food, about what Im going to eat, and I get happy and excited for it. Oprah would tell you that its NOT about the food, that its something deeper. That Im missing love in my life or something. But I dont think so. I think its about the food. I think that I love the way really good food tastes, and that, much like an alcoholic or a smoker, its very difficult for me to stop those cravings. Bottom line is that I just would MUCH rather have a steak and mashed potatoes than a boring salad and yogurt. And whenever there is a get together with friends or some sort of event where we are all gathering at a pub or bar, I dont CARE about the drinking. No. Im thinking "I hope they have potato skins there." And thats the truth. For some reason, its just way more acceptable to be someone who goes out and gets trashed on alcohol for fun; than to be someone who has trouble controlling what they eat. I dont think thats very fair, but thats another topic for another day.
I have struggled with my weight most of my life. As a kid and teenager, I didnt really have weight issues, and was at a pretty normal weight. I was also really active and involved in a lot of physical stuff back then. Now, Im involved in a lot of standing in place activities. I teach acting and comedy - I walk around a bit, or I sit and watch my students act. I am a standup comedian. I stand in place, and tell jokes. Doesnt exactly involve a lot of exercise. I do walk a lot, in NYC. I love to walk. But, I love to eat more than I love to walk. So theres that.
For the past few years, Ive been part of an online Message Board Community where we hold our own version of the Biggest Loser contests. Its a lot of fun and it actually does help to motivate you, because you dont want to let your teammates down, or not do something you said you would do. Recently, I lost a significant amount of weight, maybe around 25-30 pounds, and then managed to somehow regain most of it back again over a few months time. I wont get into all the many reasons why this happened; because they are just more excuses; but lets just say it involves my personal trainer quitting, a strange rash developing on my body that kept me from using the pool for awhile, and a lot of laziness over a short period of time. I could kill myself right now, Im so angry that I worked so hard and then screwed it all up again. Im pissed off. BUT, I have to let that go and just start over, because if I dont, I will never succeed. If I constantly hate myself for failing, than soon my Size 18 will become a Size 20 and then a 22, 24, 26, and then Size Precious (based on the novel PUSH by Sapphire.) And hey, theres nothing wrong with being Precious (based on the novel PUSH by Sapphire) if youre truly HAPPY being Precious (based on the novel PUSH by Sapphire.) She seems to be happy being that size, so good for her. I am not happy. I feel unhealthy. I feel old. I feel unattractive. I dont feel like myself. I mock myself because thats who I am, and I will always do that. Im a comedian, so I make fun of being fat. But I dont WANT to be the comic who talks about being fat. I just want to be the comic who is funny. I have to figure out how to get better at being disciplined. Lately Ive started going back to the gym again, and trying NOT to make stupid excuses not to go. Ive also started taking walks at night on my street. Im eating better; really trying to buy at least %40 organic (its so damn expensive so I do what I can) and focus on more salads and fresh vegetables. Im trying, and thats all I can do.
Recently, one of the women on the Message Boards gave me a challenge in order to help motivate me. She said that if I didnt reach my goal weight and points for the last round of Biggest Loser, that as my punishment, I would have to go to the movies, watch Sex and the City 2, and write up a review on it. This woman knows how much I loathe that show and the movies; and so she figured this would be perfect motivation for me. Well, I failed to meet my goals, so now I am forced to go watch this horrific movie and write up a review. That review will be my next blog, as I will probably see this trainwreck of a film sometime tomorrow morning. So you know what THAT means ..... I guess I wont have time to go to the gym.
Share your weight struggles with me! Id love to hear them.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
THE BACHELORETTE Review "Everything Is Amaaazing!"
Holy Crap. There's 2 hours of my life I will never get back.
Talk about painful. I think I had a root canal once that was more pleasurable than watching this ridiculous trainwreck of a show. Yet, we begin ...
For those of you who have followed my AMERICAN IDOL reviews, I thank you, and I hope you will continue to read my reviews of The Bachelorette. If you are new to my reviews - Welcome - please sit back and enjoy your stay. There is a lot of bullshit to cover here.
Since we are starting with episode two of Season 6 of The Bachelorette, let me catch everyone up on the show with a little bit of history. The Bachelor / Bachelorette is a horrific, dumbass, lets all beleive in fairytales that are pre-scripted and manipulated by producers TV reality show; where one man or woman tries to find his or her true love i.e. husband / wife from a group of 25 pre-chosen borderline insane desperate morons. The 25 morons are all forced to live in a mansion together as they fight for time with the one Bachelor/Bachelorette. In the meantime, the "contestants" do not watch any TV, see no movies, read no newspapers, and are only alloted phonecalls to immediate family with permission from the producers. So, in essence, they are completely cut off from the outside world. You know - REALITY. At the same time, they do nothing but lay by the pool half naked, travel to tropical islands to go on "dates", and drink massive amounts of alcohol all day long and all night, over and over and over again. This creates a lot of unnecessary drama, fist fights, crying, backstabbing, and of course ... sexual frustration acted out in hottubs and "fantasy suites" on camera. Once these idiots get off the show and into the real world, most of the relationships usually end up falling apart in due time. There have been a few successful relationships from this shows franchise, and even one lasting marriage with children ... but generally, its become a joke how soon after the "proposal" the couple breaks it off.
Now heres what you need to know about our Bachelorette: Ali Fedotowky. Ali is from Massachusetts, likes baseball, fishing, and shes kind of a tomboy. She has issues with brushing her hair; as in; she rarely ever DOES; and sometimes she wears awful hair extensions or throws her hair up in the worst, most unkept ponytail imagineable. Ali wears yellow. All the f'ing time. She loves yellow and tells the audience this ... all the f'ing time. Sometimes she looks like Big Bird in her yellow outfits. Ali giggles a lot - at absolutely nothing. Once you start to notice this, it will drive you slowly insane. She laughs CONSTANTLY, at everything and at nothing. I guess its a nervous thing, but its incredibly annoying. Ali thinks that everything and everyone is absolutely "amazing." This is her response to everything. "Oh My god thats amazing," "Youre amazing " "Wow this view is amazing." Shes not the only one though. The men all seem to love this word too. "She looks amazing!" "I just think youre amazing!" Im going to start playing a drinking game where everytime someone uses the word amazing, I take a sip of my coffee. Yes, coffee. Seriously, I cant keep up with these lushes. Just WATCHING how much they drink makes me want to go to an AA meeting.
One last thing about Ali; she became the Bachelorette because on last seasons The Bachelor, she was falling for Jake and him for her; when suddenly she had to make a heartwrenching decision between Jake and her JOB. (which, ironically, was working for FACEBOOK!) She chose her job, and after telling Jake and then sitting in a long hallway bawling her eyes out about it, promptly left the show. America of course fell in love with her, and the show announced her as the new Bachelorette. She announced on the first episode that she will not let work get in the way of love ever again, so she quit her job for the show. GREAT. Thats intelligent. Unemployed chicks are a real turn-on.
And so here we are ....
This episode begins with douchebag Chris Harrison; who is a LOT like douchebag Ryan Seacrest by the way; summoning all the "men" into the general living area to drink orange juice and discuss the upcoming weeks dates with Ali. The men all look like utter shit during this meeting; like its 10am and they are already half cocked. Either that, or they never went to sleep.
The men are given a "datecard" that states the first one-on-one date with Ali will go to FRANK. After hearing this, the remaining men whine, drink some more beers, and head down to the gigantic pool to sit around shirtless for a few hours together.
ALI AND FRANKS DATE: Frank; or "Ole Googly Eyes" as I like to call him; and Ali, start heading out in an old convertible that apparently doesnt run very well, because minutes into their trip to Hollywood, the piece of crap dies right on the freeway. Yeah right. Like the show cant afford a car that isnt going to break down? Ali's reaction to the car dying is to giggle, while Franks reaction is ... well... nothing. He just sits there. Suddenly, they are holding hands and running from the car and down the highway to flag down a taxi. Uh - huh. This is another fantasy. I dont beleive for one second that those two wacky kids walked down the LA Freeways with thousands of cars whizzing by, without getting killed. Please. Im sure they were picked up by one of the shows limos and taken to a "cab" where they could then continue with their giggling date. Frank and Ali walked along Hollywood Blvd, and then sat underneath the Hollywood sign and giggled and kissed. Then they had a deep conversation about how BRAVE they both are for being unemployed and directionless. More giggling. The word "amazing" was used a lot. After sitting under the sign, the two crazy kids then sat on top of the car (which miraculously was fixed) where they giggled, kissed, and talked. Ali gave Frank the rose, which means he gets to stay another week and fall deeply in love with her, only so she can dump his ass after he proposes. SUCCESS!
Meanwhile, at Testosterone-Drunk-Castle; the men are chugging down beers and getting all over Justin because hes an entertainment wrestler. I dont see what the big deal is about that, who gives a crap? But as usual, this show chooses to specifically not show us certain things when it comes to WHY everyone in the house always hates one guy. This time it seems to be Justin they all despise, and I guess time will tell what the damn reason is.
Next: Ali the Whore went on a GROUP DATE with 12 guys. You heard me. TWELVE guys. Among those on the group date were Craig M, Chris N, Tyler V, Hunter, Steve ... and... oh who gives a shit? At this point, there are still 17 men hangin all over this girl, and they all look and act the same to me.
The group date consisted of going to Malibu and doing a photo shoot on the beach. Ali and her posse of manwhores seemed to walk about 2miles along the beach to reach their destination; and poor Justin; who is on crutches due to an injury; was trying really hard to keep up. Ali kept saying "How ya doin baack there Justin?" and then just leaving him behind like trash. What a bitch. Help the dude out. Or, heres a better idea: dont make the dude who is on CRUTCHES and cant walk , walk miles in the f'ing sand! Why not give him one of the one-on-one dates and take the guy to a movie and a nice dinner? Sigh. Ali then made a point of telling the guys that this photo shoot was "for a great cause;" but we never did find out what the great cause was. Just know its a really good cause. The men had to put on the most ridiculous looking bathing suits, speedos, and outfits Ive ever seen, and pose for what was perhaps the gayest photo shoot in the history of photo shoots. Not only were they dressed in these hideous speedos, but they were making comments to each other like "Dude, theres a lot of extra room in that speedo, dude!" Um, really? Are you here to find a wife or to look at some guys package on a beach? These idiotic photos were turned into some sort of SexyMan Calendar ... for a "good cause."
Holy Hell, are we done with this yet? I cannot believe how long this episode was, and also cannot believe that ALL the Bachelorette episodes are two hours. The nerve of these people!!! The only good news is that each week, there will be less and less annoying manwhores to write about. Whew! Im exhausted and feel like Ive lost a couple million brain cells watching this crap.
But I digress....
Let me summarize the next few things that happened, because they were kind of a snoozefest:
Some loser named TY strummed a guitar and sang a stupid song to Ali on the beach. She swooned, called him amazing. Then "The Weatherman" i.e. Jonathan, got a few minutes alone with Ali; and he used that time to say the following: "I look at you sometimes and Im like ....oooh....woooh...whoah!.... not even .... I mean ..... that just doesnt .....happen to me......." Right. Way to use your time dork.
Back at the Drunk Castle filled with Boys in mens bodies; Craig M. drank beer while putting on The Weathermans jacket and modeling it. This infuriated The Weatherman for some reason, who whined, "Thats my jacket, take off my jacket!!!" The Weatherman also made it a point to tell the camera and tv audience many many times that he "doesnt wanna fight" but that he "knows karate" but "really doesnt want to fight." Craig M. continued to rile him up by calling him "Weatherman." Seriously -- are these men for real? I mean --- REALLY???
Some boring ass named Jesse got the second one-on-one date with Ali, and again, the other men whined and complained, then went off to drink more alcohol and lie around shirtless.
JESSE AND ALI'S DATE: Ali takes Jesse on a private jet ride to Vegas. He is "stoked" and says so several times; she thinks he is "super good looking" and says so several times. Clearly their relationship is deep. When the jet lands, there is a Red Ferrari waiting for them. Oh good, another car that might breakdown. This one seems to run okay, and they take off in it to go and sit by a pool and eat oysters. Ali tells the tv audience again that Jesse is super hot and good looking. Later on, the two brainless twits have dinner in some sort of suite private restaurant with the best view of Vegas ever. At dinner, Ali tells brainless that he is a "solid guy" and gives him the rose. Wow a solid guy. Thats love. In return, brainless tells the studio audience how hes never put on a suit before (really?), and that this is the BEST date hes ever had. Is it? Because you look about as excited as a stonewall. Ali informs brainless that she feels "closer to him than ever before." Um, WHY? You talked about NOTHING!!! I havent seen dinner conversation that awkward since Hitler broke bread with the Steinways. Then, to end the magical evening, some musician named James Cullum, who apparently we are supposed to know or give a shit about, performed live for them as they danced in the moonlight. YAWN.
Then it was time for the weekly "Cocktail Hour" - which is basically just MORE drinking, and a chance for the Bachelorette to talk one on one with any guys she is still unsure about, or guys she didnt get a chance to spend time with on dates. During this time; Ali first spoke with Chris L. from Cape Cod. He seems pretty normal to me, and like a pretty decent guy. Next: Ali and Roberto played a game of catch and talked a bit of baseball, and then she told him yet again how SUPER GOOD LOOKING he is. Then she giggled. After that, Ali and Casey talked about something; except I had no clue what it was because I couldnt stop laughing at Caseys Kermit the Frog voice. WHAT THE F**K? Finally; Ali and Frank shared another kiss after missing one another, and the other boys got all jealous and perterbed.
Then this whole dumb thing happened that was extremly high-school and just STUPID; where The Weatherman told Ali in private that he didnt trust Craig M, and that Craig M is "dangerous." Then Ali talked with Craig herself, and asked him a bunch of questions that were apparently too difficult for him to reply to, because he just mumbled things that were supposed to be words but made no sense. Then Craig called a meeting in the Drunk Castle. He wanted to know who told Ali that he was dangerous. Noone budged, but all knew the Weatherman was the culprit. I dont know. To me, they are both losers. Craig is an a-hole, and Weatherman is just a big ole dork. They both suck.
FINALLY, it was time for the Rose Ceremony, where Ali had to choose 2 men to go home.
She chose Tyler V. (I already forgot who he is) and Craig the Ass.
I really hope this gets better. The emotional trainwreck possibilities are simply endless, but right now theres just too many damn annoying men to keep track of.
Your thoughts?
Talk about painful. I think I had a root canal once that was more pleasurable than watching this ridiculous trainwreck of a show. Yet, we begin ...
For those of you who have followed my AMERICAN IDOL reviews, I thank you, and I hope you will continue to read my reviews of The Bachelorette. If you are new to my reviews - Welcome - please sit back and enjoy your stay. There is a lot of bullshit to cover here.
Since we are starting with episode two of Season 6 of The Bachelorette, let me catch everyone up on the show with a little bit of history. The Bachelor / Bachelorette is a horrific, dumbass, lets all beleive in fairytales that are pre-scripted and manipulated by producers TV reality show; where one man or woman tries to find his or her true love i.e. husband / wife from a group of 25 pre-chosen borderline insane desperate morons. The 25 morons are all forced to live in a mansion together as they fight for time with the one Bachelor/Bachelorette. In the meantime, the "contestants" do not watch any TV, see no movies, read no newspapers, and are only alloted phonecalls to immediate family with permission from the producers. So, in essence, they are completely cut off from the outside world. You know - REALITY. At the same time, they do nothing but lay by the pool half naked, travel to tropical islands to go on "dates", and drink massive amounts of alcohol all day long and all night, over and over and over again. This creates a lot of unnecessary drama, fist fights, crying, backstabbing, and of course ... sexual frustration acted out in hottubs and "fantasy suites" on camera. Once these idiots get off the show and into the real world, most of the relationships usually end up falling apart in due time. There have been a few successful relationships from this shows franchise, and even one lasting marriage with children ... but generally, its become a joke how soon after the "proposal" the couple breaks it off.
Now heres what you need to know about our Bachelorette: Ali Fedotowky. Ali is from Massachusetts, likes baseball, fishing, and shes kind of a tomboy. She has issues with brushing her hair; as in; she rarely ever DOES; and sometimes she wears awful hair extensions or throws her hair up in the worst, most unkept ponytail imagineable. Ali wears yellow. All the f'ing time. She loves yellow and tells the audience this ... all the f'ing time. Sometimes she looks like Big Bird in her yellow outfits. Ali giggles a lot - at absolutely nothing. Once you start to notice this, it will drive you slowly insane. She laughs CONSTANTLY, at everything and at nothing. I guess its a nervous thing, but its incredibly annoying. Ali thinks that everything and everyone is absolutely "amazing." This is her response to everything. "Oh My god thats amazing," "Youre amazing " "Wow this view is amazing." Shes not the only one though. The men all seem to love this word too. "She looks amazing!" "I just think youre amazing!" Im going to start playing a drinking game where everytime someone uses the word amazing, I take a sip of my coffee. Yes, coffee. Seriously, I cant keep up with these lushes. Just WATCHING how much they drink makes me want to go to an AA meeting.
One last thing about Ali; she became the Bachelorette because on last seasons The Bachelor, she was falling for Jake and him for her; when suddenly she had to make a heartwrenching decision between Jake and her JOB. (which, ironically, was working for FACEBOOK!) She chose her job, and after telling Jake and then sitting in a long hallway bawling her eyes out about it, promptly left the show. America of course fell in love with her, and the show announced her as the new Bachelorette. She announced on the first episode that she will not let work get in the way of love ever again, so she quit her job for the show. GREAT. Thats intelligent. Unemployed chicks are a real turn-on.
And so here we are ....
This episode begins with douchebag Chris Harrison; who is a LOT like douchebag Ryan Seacrest by the way; summoning all the "men" into the general living area to drink orange juice and discuss the upcoming weeks dates with Ali. The men all look like utter shit during this meeting; like its 10am and they are already half cocked. Either that, or they never went to sleep.
The men are given a "datecard" that states the first one-on-one date with Ali will go to FRANK. After hearing this, the remaining men whine, drink some more beers, and head down to the gigantic pool to sit around shirtless for a few hours together.
ALI AND FRANKS DATE: Frank; or "Ole Googly Eyes" as I like to call him; and Ali, start heading out in an old convertible that apparently doesnt run very well, because minutes into their trip to Hollywood, the piece of crap dies right on the freeway. Yeah right. Like the show cant afford a car that isnt going to break down? Ali's reaction to the car dying is to giggle, while Franks reaction is ... well... nothing. He just sits there. Suddenly, they are holding hands and running from the car and down the highway to flag down a taxi. Uh - huh. This is another fantasy. I dont beleive for one second that those two wacky kids walked down the LA Freeways with thousands of cars whizzing by, without getting killed. Please. Im sure they were picked up by one of the shows limos and taken to a "cab" where they could then continue with their giggling date. Frank and Ali walked along Hollywood Blvd, and then sat underneath the Hollywood sign and giggled and kissed. Then they had a deep conversation about how BRAVE they both are for being unemployed and directionless. More giggling. The word "amazing" was used a lot. After sitting under the sign, the two crazy kids then sat on top of the car (which miraculously was fixed) where they giggled, kissed, and talked. Ali gave Frank the rose, which means he gets to stay another week and fall deeply in love with her, only so she can dump his ass after he proposes. SUCCESS!
Meanwhile, at Testosterone-Drunk-Castle; the men are chugging down beers and getting all over Justin because hes an entertainment wrestler. I dont see what the big deal is about that, who gives a crap? But as usual, this show chooses to specifically not show us certain things when it comes to WHY everyone in the house always hates one guy. This time it seems to be Justin they all despise, and I guess time will tell what the damn reason is.
Next: Ali the Whore went on a GROUP DATE with 12 guys. You heard me. TWELVE guys. Among those on the group date were Craig M, Chris N, Tyler V, Hunter, Steve ... and... oh who gives a shit? At this point, there are still 17 men hangin all over this girl, and they all look and act the same to me.
The group date consisted of going to Malibu and doing a photo shoot on the beach. Ali and her posse of manwhores seemed to walk about 2miles along the beach to reach their destination; and poor Justin; who is on crutches due to an injury; was trying really hard to keep up. Ali kept saying "How ya doin baack there Justin?" and then just leaving him behind like trash. What a bitch. Help the dude out. Or, heres a better idea: dont make the dude who is on CRUTCHES and cant walk , walk miles in the f'ing sand! Why not give him one of the one-on-one dates and take the guy to a movie and a nice dinner? Sigh. Ali then made a point of telling the guys that this photo shoot was "for a great cause;" but we never did find out what the great cause was. Just know its a really good cause. The men had to put on the most ridiculous looking bathing suits, speedos, and outfits Ive ever seen, and pose for what was perhaps the gayest photo shoot in the history of photo shoots. Not only were they dressed in these hideous speedos, but they were making comments to each other like "Dude, theres a lot of extra room in that speedo, dude!" Um, really? Are you here to find a wife or to look at some guys package on a beach? These idiotic photos were turned into some sort of SexyMan Calendar ... for a "good cause."
Holy Hell, are we done with this yet? I cannot believe how long this episode was, and also cannot believe that ALL the Bachelorette episodes are two hours. The nerve of these people!!! The only good news is that each week, there will be less and less annoying manwhores to write about. Whew! Im exhausted and feel like Ive lost a couple million brain cells watching this crap.
But I digress....
Let me summarize the next few things that happened, because they were kind of a snoozefest:
Some loser named TY strummed a guitar and sang a stupid song to Ali on the beach. She swooned, called him amazing. Then "The Weatherman" i.e. Jonathan, got a few minutes alone with Ali; and he used that time to say the following: "I look at you sometimes and Im like ....oooh....woooh...whoah!.... not even .... I mean ..... that just doesnt .....happen to me......." Right. Way to use your time dork.
Back at the Drunk Castle filled with Boys in mens bodies; Craig M. drank beer while putting on The Weathermans jacket and modeling it. This infuriated The Weatherman for some reason, who whined, "Thats my jacket, take off my jacket!!!" The Weatherman also made it a point to tell the camera and tv audience many many times that he "doesnt wanna fight" but that he "knows karate" but "really doesnt want to fight." Craig M. continued to rile him up by calling him "Weatherman." Seriously -- are these men for real? I mean --- REALLY???
Some boring ass named Jesse got the second one-on-one date with Ali, and again, the other men whined and complained, then went off to drink more alcohol and lie around shirtless.
JESSE AND ALI'S DATE: Ali takes Jesse on a private jet ride to Vegas. He is "stoked" and says so several times; she thinks he is "super good looking" and says so several times. Clearly their relationship is deep. When the jet lands, there is a Red Ferrari waiting for them. Oh good, another car that might breakdown. This one seems to run okay, and they take off in it to go and sit by a pool and eat oysters. Ali tells the tv audience again that Jesse is super hot and good looking. Later on, the two brainless twits have dinner in some sort of suite private restaurant with the best view of Vegas ever. At dinner, Ali tells brainless that he is a "solid guy" and gives him the rose. Wow a solid guy. Thats love. In return, brainless tells the studio audience how hes never put on a suit before (really?), and that this is the BEST date hes ever had. Is it? Because you look about as excited as a stonewall. Ali informs brainless that she feels "closer to him than ever before." Um, WHY? You talked about NOTHING!!! I havent seen dinner conversation that awkward since Hitler broke bread with the Steinways. Then, to end the magical evening, some musician named James Cullum, who apparently we are supposed to know or give a shit about, performed live for them as they danced in the moonlight. YAWN.
Then it was time for the weekly "Cocktail Hour" - which is basically just MORE drinking, and a chance for the Bachelorette to talk one on one with any guys she is still unsure about, or guys she didnt get a chance to spend time with on dates. During this time; Ali first spoke with Chris L. from Cape Cod. He seems pretty normal to me, and like a pretty decent guy. Next: Ali and Roberto played a game of catch and talked a bit of baseball, and then she told him yet again how SUPER GOOD LOOKING he is. Then she giggled. After that, Ali and Casey talked about something; except I had no clue what it was because I couldnt stop laughing at Caseys Kermit the Frog voice. WHAT THE F**K? Finally; Ali and Frank shared another kiss after missing one another, and the other boys got all jealous and perterbed.
Then this whole dumb thing happened that was extremly high-school and just STUPID; where The Weatherman told Ali in private that he didnt trust Craig M, and that Craig M is "dangerous." Then Ali talked with Craig herself, and asked him a bunch of questions that were apparently too difficult for him to reply to, because he just mumbled things that were supposed to be words but made no sense. Then Craig called a meeting in the Drunk Castle. He wanted to know who told Ali that he was dangerous. Noone budged, but all knew the Weatherman was the culprit. I dont know. To me, they are both losers. Craig is an a-hole, and Weatherman is just a big ole dork. They both suck.
FINALLY, it was time for the Rose Ceremony, where Ali had to choose 2 men to go home.
She chose Tyler V. (I already forgot who he is) and Craig the Ass.
I really hope this gets better. The emotional trainwreck possibilities are simply endless, but right now theres just too many damn annoying men to keep track of.
Your thoughts?
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