Okay. So most of you are aware of my violent hatred of The Seacrest. Well, he is getting progessively worse week after week on this show. His constant need for all the attention to be on HIM is really getting out of control. His annoying post-song banter with every contestant was bad enough, but now he is just becoming a giant pest and making the contestants and audience feel uncomfortable. Was it really necessary to push Didi Benami into telling him WHY she was so emotional singing her song during rehearsal? She told him, TWICE, that she didnt want to talk about it, that the song means a lot to her. Yet, he still forced her and seemed to want to make her cry AGAIN. What an ass. Then; his random no purpose comment to Crystal Bowersox about "Will you consider wearing an off the shoulder shirt next week like Kara?" Umm, WHAT? Oh my God. Shut the hell up already. He is going from annoying to full-on prick. I also cannot stand how he is always trying so hard to be funny. Isnt that why we brought Ellen on the show, to add comic element? Seacrest - YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. At all. Every joke he attempts falls flat, yet he keeps trying. And lastly; Seacrest will do anything to put the physical attention on him. Is all the choreography really necessary? You know, where he is randomly walking all around the stage, or backstage, or in the center of a young crowd in the audience looking up at the sky, or walking down a giant staircase dramatically, and on and on and on....
Its getting to the point where Im starting to long for the days of Brian Dunkleman. Yes. Its that bad.
And now, onto non-Seacrest topics. What the hell was up with Randy's Cosby sweater-vest with the elephant in the corner pocket? I was baffled by that fashion statement.
Kara continues her quest to bang Simon, and to get into all of his camera shots. And Ellen just looks like a Keebler Elf. Actually, she sort of resembles Dr. Oz, who resembles a Keebler Elf.
After the 9-hour long Seacrest ego-stroking intro, the show began by Ryan asking the crowd to yell out their favorite contestant, to which they replied in unison:
"GHTYYOOOUURB^^HH$33DFHRTTYCXWENNBOWANDRWASHIOBYNAAAAXXLGvndoaieovndoi!!!!"
Ah! Glad we got THAT cleared up.
Okay. So most of you are aware of my violent hatred of The Seacrest. Well, he is getting progessively worse week after week on this show. His constant need for all the attention to be on HIM is really getting out of control. His annoying post-song banter with every contestant was bad enough, but now he is just becoming a giant pest and making the contestants and audience feel uncomfortable. Was it really necessary to push Didi Benami into telling him WHY she was so emotional singing her song during rehearsal? She told him, TWICE, that she didnt want to talk about it, that the song means a lot to her. Yet, he still forced her and seemed to want to make her cry AGAIN. What an ass. Then; his random no purpose comment to Crystal Bowersox about "Will you consider wearing an off the shoulder shirt next week like Kara?" Umm, WHAT? Oh my God. Shut the hell up already. He is going from annoying to full-on prick. I also cannot stand how he is always trying so hard to be funny. Isnt that why we brought Ellen on the show, to add comic element? Seacrest - YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. At all. Every joke he attempts falls flat, yet he keeps trying. And lastly; Seacrest will do anything to put the physical attention on him. Is all the choreography really necessary? You know, where he is randomly walking all around the stage, or backstage, or in the center of a young crowd in the audience looking up at the sky, or walking down a giant staircase dramatically, and on and on and on....
Its getting to the point where Im starting to long for the days of Brian Dunkleman. Yes. Its that bad.
And now, onto non-Seacrest topics. What the hell was up with Randy's Cosby sweater-vest with the elephant in the corner pocket? I was baffled by that fashion statement.
Kara continues her quest to bang Simon, and to get into all of his camera shots. And Ellen just looks like a Keebler Elf. Actually, she sort of resembles Dr. Oz, who resembles a Keebler Elf.
After the 9-hour long Seacrest ego-stroking intro, the show began by Ryan asking the crowd to yell out their favorite contestant, to which they replied in unison:
"GHTYYOOOUURB^^HH$33DFHRTTYCXWENNBOWANDRWASHIOBYNAAAAXXLGvndoaieovndoi!!!!"
Ah! Glad we got THAT cleared up.
Then Seacrest attempted to be funny and hip by sitting in the audience and talking smack with this week's mentor, Usher. Seacrest and Usher sat and talked about nothing important while wearing shades. FINALLY; Ryan introduced the first contestant, and the show actually started to roll....
1. SIOBHAN: Sang Through the Fire by Chaka Khan. One of my favorite songs of all time, but there is only ONE Chaka Khan. It was pitchy dog. And she looked like she was here from outer space. Not her best performance by far, but she will be safe anyway. There was much worse to come.
2. CASEY JAMES: Sang Hold On Im Comin by Sam and Dave. Wear your hair down you sexy beast. I dont like the ponytail. Really good performance. And by that, I mean ... sleep with me.
3. BIG MIKE: Okay first of all, stop calling him Big Mike. Its dumb. Just Mike will be fine. I thought his version of India Arie's Ready for Love was quite beautiful. I also thought it was sooo awkward that they had him performing in FRONT of the judges seats; yet they didnt have the judges turn around to watch him. What the hell was that about? Here judges ...watch Big Mike on this tiny screen, instead of TURNING AROUND and watching him live, right in front of your face. Swivel those chairs around you lazy asses. Made no sense to me.
4. DIDI BENAMI: This is why Siobhans bad performance didnt really matter much. Because Didi's was pretty awful. Sang What Becomes of the Brokenhearted. Actually, she wailed it. Very offkey, flat, sharp, and everything else you can think of other than good. Just a complete trainwreck.
5. TIM URBAN: Week after week, this dork takes great songs and manages to make them somehow the most boring, mundane song on earth. He has done it again!!! This time its Anita Baker that he removed the soul and heart from, and sang in his Brady Bunch floppy haired nonstyle. And for the Love of dorks, BLINK DUDE BLINK!!!! Usher told him to sing it to someone special, not to creepily stare them down with your all-white eyeballs. This dork would smile through anything. I think if he was senselessly murdering someone in the middle of the night, he would smile all the way through it. And he would never blink. Jesus Christ dude, lets take the cheesyness down a notch...or ten. Oh yeah ..and he sang like shit.
6. LOAF OF BREAD (Andrew Garcia): Good for you loaf of bread!!! You finally lived up to your dumb Paula Abdul moment by taking on Chris Browns song Forever. I cant help thinking of THE OFFICE and/or the famous wedding youtube video whenever I hear this song, so it was really cool to hear the song slowed down and turned into more of a ballod. I definately enjoyed this version. Loaf of bread's Zebra-print wearing mom screaming at Simon by yet another forced moment by Seacrest, not so much.
7. KATIE STEVENS: Aretha. Katie. Aretha. Katie. Nope, doesnt have the same ring to it. Sorry. Vocally she is good, but she is just a girl with a good voice. Thats it. Shes like a vanilla cone with no sprinkles, and when she sings something like Aretha, that fact only becomes more obvious.
8. LEE DEWYZE: What is with all the silver tonight? He also looked like an alien. However, I did think his performance was very strong and I love his raspy growling voice. Hes got a really great sound.
9. CRYSTAL BOWERSOX: Last week she said she had a big surprise in store for this week. I thought maybe it would be that she decided to shower or wash her feet. Instead though, she got behind the piano and did a kickass version of Gladys' Midnight Train to Georgia. One of my top five songs EVER. Its official now: this girl can do no wrong. She is just sooo on a different level than everyone there. I also thought that for the first time, she did look as if she had washed her feet and showered. Bonus!
10. AARON KELLY: Ugh. He looks like he is aging backwards week after week. He started out looking about 12, then 11, then about 10, and now, he looks about 7yrs old tops. I cannot take him seriously with his 7yr old body and his Alfalfa hairdo. This kid could cure cancer and Id still hate him. Why does he continue to sing songs that should be sung by an old soul with some life experience? Bill Withers? Really? Cmon kid. Lets get real here.
If there is a God, floppy-haired dork Urban or 7year old douchebag will go home tomorrow.
But something tells me the pre-teen girls will keep both of them on yet another week and Didi will go.
I dont care enough to change this fact by voting myself of course. I just enjoy complaining.
The end.
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